Jean Bonnette,MSW, CPCC

Going from a full-time position to a part-time position was not an easy process. When people look at me with envy they don’t realize just how much sacrifice went into getting to this place.  It took two years of planning, praying, working and creating the vision.  It didn’t happen overnight and it was painful to let go of what was familiar. I got here through hard work, determination and with a crystal clear vision.

Here’s a big secret, having a vision is key. What does that have to do with love you ask? Everything! If you have a clear vision of what you want in love then you will get it. You need to be super clear. Think about how you bought your car.  You went to the dealership with a make and model in mind, the color, the fabric of the interior, the exterior colors, etc… If we can all be that clear about the type of love we want versus the type of car we buy, this would be one happy world.

My best friend who lives in Switzerland and I have been communicating back and forth about what our dream love looks like. At first it was silly and pure fun.  We’d send poems about love, movie clips about love, stories about love, the men in Hollywood we love, what type of man we hope to attract and it all centered around dreaming of this “higher” love. We let our imaginations run wild and nothing was off limits.  Then something strange started happening, we started changing and we were having amazing experiences. It seems as if we saw the world with more loving compassionate eyes.

In return the world started to bring us more love through family, friends, experiences, strangers, clients and through creativity. We were both having the same experience from across the world! How can this be a coincidence? We became very clear about the type of love we want and clear about the type of love we deserve and the world surrounded us with it.

Keep your heart clear and open to receive everything you want!

I apologize for the cheesy song below but the title is perfect.

I could light the night up with my soul on fire

I could make the sun shine from pure desire

Let me feel that love come over me

Let me feel how strong it could be

🎼Higher Love – Steve Winwood<<<<<<<

A few years back I decided that I was going to try ice skating! I’ve never really mastered regular skates but I was determined to try it. I was very excited because it was an outdoor rink and so beautiful. I eagerly got my skates and went straight to the ice rink. As soon as my foot touched the ice it was a bit harder than I expected! The ice was full of gashes and my skates would stop and stall which caused me to wobble trying to find my balance.

I made it around a couple of times holding the rails. Then I got more courage as I would push myself off the rail and find the nearest open rail across the way. To my surprise as I pushed off I hit a deep gash on the ice and my skates stalled. I had two choices keep moving forward or reach backwards for the rail. It felt like moving forward was too scary so I reached back and fell! I realize that if I just pushed forward I would have made it safely.

How many times in our lives does this happen. The fear of the unknown and moving forward is so scary that we want to clutch onto what doesn’t serve us anymore. This could be an analogy for everything in life like unhappy careers, stale relationships, old wounds, etc…

I know that for me surrendering at this moment of my life is imperative! I’m back on that ice rink. However, this time it’s not an ice rink but my marriage separation and I can’t reach back because of a false sense of safety. I can’t hide from what I feel. I want more… I’m living boldly and no matter how much I lose balance I keep moving forward. So I surrender what was and be open for what will be.

If I just breathe

Let it fill the space between

I’ll know everything is alright

Breathe

Well it’s all so overrated

In not saying how you feel

So you end up watching chances fade

And wondering what’s real

🎶Breathe – Michelle Branch

I have come to believe this paragraph above as the biggest certainty of my life.  In many ways the past few years have been a truth-seeking journey for me both professionally and personally.  I left everything familiar.  After an unexpected loss, I experienced grief which changed my life, a blessing wrapped in tragedy.  It was a wake up call that changed the course of my path.  I asked myself am I  truly happy?  Is this the life I want to live?  Does my career give me fulfillment?  What do I really want in life and in love?

It didn’t happen overnight that’s for sure.  I would need to write a book to share my whole journey but I will give you the Cliffs Notes version.  It happened in small increments and the first step is making the decision and owning your truth.  My truth was I wanted to be a Life Coach.  It gave me a feeling of fulfillment that I’ve never felt before.  Once I made a decision to leave a full-time job that was very comfortable with a very comfortable paycheck, everything started falling into place.  To make room for my dream I decided to work part-time.  This meant I needed to make major financial changes in my life.  This is the part that I need to be brutally honest about…you will need to let go of things in order to make room for your dream.  This is the part of the quote where she says “face and forgive some very difficult realities” because for me it meant leaving the status quo of what society says will make me happy.  This meant walking away from my dream home to have my dream life.  It doesn’t have to be this huge change for you, it’s just how it showed up in my life!  Hey I warned you it wouldn’t be easy.  It will get uncomfortable.  Turbulance will occur on this flight.  However, here’s the best part…I’ve never ever been happier!  I wouldn’t go back to that life for any amount of money.  My time and my joy is priceless.

This journey has been full of fear, anxiety, joy, amazing new friends, surprising opportunities and miracles.  When you know something is calling you there is basically two options.  The first option is to ignore the call and live life asleep which means turning off some of your feelings.  You’ll be fine but in some ways it will start gnawing at you in small insidious increments.  The second option is to take a calculated risk which is not a place of comfort at first but the payoff in the long run is an unbelieveable amount of confidence in yourself and a knowing that you are finally truly living your best life.

My hope for you is that whatever you decide find joy, find peace and live boldly.

Joy at Union Station doesn’t sound like they should be in one sentence. However, today was a special experience. I took the train at Union Station to attend a morning meeting. I remember it was rush hour and I had to balance my phone all while holding the rail so I don’t trip on the abrupt stops. Well at one stop I missed the rail and almost slipped! Yes…I’m clumsy it’s one of those things I need to accept about myself. I was a little embarrassed as people are so quiet and during the ride it’s as if no one is breathing.

Later that afternoon I rode the train to get home getting closer to Union Station, my final stop. To my surprise the train slows down and picks up not one herd of small kids but three herds of them! I love children but not sixty all at once and in such a small crammed space. Well to my dismay a group came rushing in full of laughs and energy! The adults were outnumbered.

All I was thinking about was…I hope I don’t get sick! Then with each passing stop I noticed my face smiling a little bigger. They were so entertaining and I looked around and saw the other adults watching them with the same smile. They would roar with laughter with each abrupt stop trying not to trip and deliberately letting go of the rail and balance their little bodies with such joy! It was infectious and I suddenly realized how my morning experience was so different from their experience.

These tiny teachers of joy showed me that it’s all about perspective.

The past year had so many changes that it felt like keeping up with a moving train as I’m running beside it!  I started automatically waking up much earlier than usual so I decided to make use of that time.  It was as if my body needed to work it all out physically and mentally.  I just needed some relief from all the constant thoughts and the need to know what the future holds.  I used the early mornings to get quiet and listened to what I yearned for.

I turned to nourishing my body from the inside out.  I made it a morning ritual to drink some warm tea.  There’s just something so gratifying about watching the hot water flood the floating tea bag.  I found a cozy corner of my living room and lit a candle to bring in some light.  In front of me are my spiritual guides, a little statue of Mary and in front of her a little Buddha statue that I love.  It was still dark and I didn’t want any harsh light to break the silence of the early morning.  I rolled out my yoga mat so I could sit comfortably.  Then I did a guided meditation.  It felt so good to just focus on her voice keeping me focused on that present moment.

Yet I needed something more so I turned to yoga.  I’m now having a love affair with yoga!  It has been my saving grace.  When I start a pose and regulate my breath my body knows that I’m getting ready to do yoga flows.  The million thoughts need to stop!  I’m focused on hand and foot placement while balancing each pose.  Sometimes it’s just silence or soft rhythmic music in the background but sometimes I need my personal songs to get me from one pose to the next.  Sometimes I need the room to be quiet as I’m focused on the breath and other times the music needs to be loud to carry me through the routine.

Everything that I’ve been doing is about being mindful.  I’ve engaged all my senses to stay in the present moment and not focus on the past or the future.  It brings me a great sense of peace and calm.  My daily ritual feeds my body and feeds my soul.  I have such great hope and faith that what I let go of is nothing in comparison to the bright future ahead of me.

As I end yoga and open my eyes after shavasana, I look out the window and watch the sun enter the room knowing that the light always emerges.

This has been the biggest lesson of my life and also the hardest.  In some way I think if we are honest with ourselves, we all struggle with this lesson.  What is it about love that we feel like it needs to be earned?  If we had the right career, the right car, the beautiful home, perfect hair, a toned body, a certain height, a certain amount of money then we are lovable!  How did this get so ingrained in our DNA?  I’m sure the answer is multifaceted influenced by our environment, our experiences, being bombarded by media everyday, etc…

The fascinating part of us all is how imperfect we are and all the beauty that it holds.  How did you get to this point in your life?  What was your journey like?  What are the scars you carry?  What parts of yourself is hidden and so unlovable?  If you have ever had the courage to let someone in it’s a testimony of your vulnerability and your humanity.  This is where we connect, through our faults.  When someone can witness every part of us, the guts and the glory in all its scariness and still love us then it’s a gift.  Isn’t this the real meaning of life to love and be loved for who we really are?

“I am brave, I am bruised I am who I’m meant to be, this is me

I’m not scared to be seen I make no apologies, this is me

And I know I deserve your love. There is nothing I’m not worthy of”

This is Me – Keala Settle & The Greatest Showman

This has been the most painful lesson of my life.  I never got to say how much a loved one meant to me.  I never got to say how much they changed the course of my life because of their ability to see the real me.  That person saw my strengths and made me believe it.  The only thing that held me back was the belief that I wasn’t worthy of that love.  Ultimately, their death has been my biggest teacher.

My greatest hope is that the people I love know how much I love them and vice versa.

“We are not willing to hide behind the illusions of the world, the bourgeois conventions of society which honors rules before love.  We intend to go forward. We intend to take the leap of faith. We intend to grasp our love to our chest and never, ever, ever let go.”

Enchanted Love by Marianne Williamson

Any arbitrary turn along the way and I would be elsewhere, I would be different. -Under the Tuscan Sun

Happy New Year!  It has been a long long time since I wrote on this blog.  I got really busy with creating a new business partnership.  The past year was really about building and creating our product.  In addition, it has been one roller coaster ride this year.  There was a creation of a new business that aligns with my life purpose, a tragic death of my family member, my best friend’s wedding, my other cousin’s engagement, the birth of a new baby in our extended family, a pregnancy, changes of a relationship and an awakening of my soul.  To say the least it was a very busy year!

I tell people it is as if the Tasmanian devil spun around my life and flattened everything.  The only things that were left over were the most important that I could carry with me.  I took the love of family, self-love & confidence, health and peace of mind.  I realize that sometimes these tragic events can also be a gift.  I realize that what I need is already something that I own.  If I have my health, self love and love of family and friends; I have everything.  All the positive things in life like doing my life purpose is all just extra sweetness.  This year the word I choose is JOY.  I realize that as humans we tend to focus on the pain and tragedies of life.  It’s so easy to do.  So this year I decided to fight for joy.  I want to be a Joy Warrior.  I don’t know if there is such a thing but I will be relentless in finding joy…like a detective with a mission.  I promise to be mindful on how joy shows up in everyday life.

My New Year’s Eve actually started as a very joyful day.  I had a morning conversation with one of my dearest friends.  She always makes me laugh and our conversations are so soulful where we talk about love and the meaning of life!  These type of connections just give my soul life!  There were also texts from friends wishing me love and joy in 2018…what more can a girl ask for?!  I just felt such love that my heart was overflowing.  I have so much hope in this new chapter of my life.  I wish for you the same…a heart that is overflowing with joy, hope and love.  Cheers!

As you can see I dedicate this post to Dory our beloved endearing Disney fish.  I recently saw the movie “Finding Dory” and I was touched with the depth of the story and how much a little faith and trust in our instincts can lead us back home.

The part I related to the most was closer to the end when Dory was completely lost.  She lost her friends, she lost her family and she lost her way.  How many of us at certain points in our lives can relate to that exact moment?  She looked around in the deep blue sea and saw nothing…However, she got quiet, she dug deep and followed her instincts.  Dory followed the clues that led her back home.  Most of the time we panic and make hasty decisions without truly listening to ourselves.

When we have nothing left we just need to be still and look around to find the little clues, the little voices, the little pulls that tell us left or right.  We need to listen carefully to where our heart is tugging us ever so slightly, ever so gently to find our way home.

It was so moving and so powerful in such a tender way.  If you haven’t seen it already please go and enjoy! And just keep swimming!!!