Jean Bonnette,MSW, CPCC

An old chapter of my life has come to a close. Leaving my job of 13 years is not only significant in terms of time but also in terms of emotional healing. This was where my biggest awakening took place in terms of meeting very significant people in my life. This was the place where I truly started to learn more about myself. I learned about the strength that my heart can hold and the pain that I can endure. This is not only a significant closing of a career but also a closing of my old life, my old self.

I know this transformation has been years in the making but I’m so proud of my growth. Let me tell you it was scary AF! I even went through periods of grieving. My brain fought me the whole way in all areas of change. It’s just doing what it’s programmed to do, keep us safe from harm. This is when courage is needed. We need to reassure our body and mind to stay calm in order to pursue our goals and dreams.

Beyond the fear is our biggest gain. I’m so excited to see where this new fork in the road will lead me. I’m proud to say I’m taking such bold risks in life and love that I have a sense of peace that I never had before.

My hope is that you live and love boldly which brings an abundance of peace and joy.

This year has been one of tremendous movement.  It was a year of heartache, of joy, of laughter, of pain, of sorrow, of a mending heart, of a growing soul, wanting more, needing less, a year of clinging to faith, hope and love.  It really doesn’t sound like any different from years past.  However, I am different.  2018 was really about discovering myself and where I’m willing to go with life.  It was a year where I reached for something more no matter how hard it felt to move forward.  Personal growth is hard and painful but the reward is pure joy.

I realize that the past few years of my life has been a journey about love.  Ultimately, I was seeking love outside of myself.  This past year has proven that the love I’m craving is actually self-acceptance and self-love.  It sounds so cliché right?  However, this is the foundation of all types of love.  If I don’t love and respect myself then what is my compass for healthy relationships?  Lastly, loving someone is really an inside job because it’s about me taking the responsibility of being my best self and sharing that part with another.

Of course,  we all want a partner to give us their love but also their time with a deep emotional connection.  All that means is someone who will share the best parts of themselves.  This is true intimacy. In a world full of technology it’s so easy to hide.  However, the challenge is to have a good sense of self in order to find compatibility with another.  I think this is when two people really fall in love when we bring forth our true selves.

That’s my work for 2019 to explore all parts of me and accept myself completely, my flaws and my talents.  Cheers!

This movie was made in 1989 called Say Anything.  I was very young but everyone remembers this scene, at least if you’re a woman or little girl. It doesn’t matter if you were in your 40s or if you were 12 years old.  This was a declaration of love.  He put his pride aside and stood outside the house of the woman he loves and the song starts.  The song is called In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel.  If you don’t know what he’s holding, it’s called a boom box.

The courage and vulnerability it took for this young man to stand outside for all the world to see how he loved this girl is inspiring.  Let me tell you men this would melt any woman’s heart.  Where is the romance in this world?  I know it’s out there.  I know we are all starving for something real, starving to be loved the way we deserve to be.  It could be in small gestures or grand gestures just as long as the message is the same.  I see you and you matter to me.

I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about his scene.  Perhaps I’m allowing myself to dream of this type of love.  I know it’s out there.  I know it exists.  I know one day I will have it.  It might not look like this exact picture but there will be beautiful music playing and it will be a feeling of divine love.

Some days the grief just takes over. The death anniversary of someone you love is one of those days. There’s something about taking that grief and doing something creative that eases the pain. Being in nature makes me feel so small and part of the whole that it lessens the distance to my loved one. Here’s to the love left behind and the hopes to one day meet again.

Music credit: Ghost of you

5 seconds of summer

Being in the helping profession my whole adult life, has gotten me a bit off track.  I’ve been programmed to anticipate the needs of others.  I can excavate their deepest hurts and prescribe a salve for the soul.  However, when it comes to my needs, my self-awareness can be a bit lacking.  I decided that in order to truly build my compass of what if feels like to be deeply loved, I must first deeply love myself.  This shall be my north star.  When it feels the same as self-love or even better than, I will know this man is worthy of me.

My training wheels have been to spend a little extra money on me and buy those flowers at the market that I never wanted to spend on myself.  The joy that it brings as I spend time cutting the flowers to place on my nightstand has been priceless.  I’ve also been using candles more than lighting at night and doing a little extra self-care here and there.  This is only the beginning and I can’t wait to share where it will lead.

Having my fair share of grief and heartbreak, I came to accept that I would be happily living in my life purpose without a romantic relationship. I felt deeply loved and I’ve loved deeply so I was done with romantic love. I wasn’t bitter at all just tired but content. I saw my heart as bruised and held together with super glue in which you can see all the cracks.

I decided that it would be great to meet men and gain some social interaction. However, life made other plans because it was the biggest wake up call. I realized my heart still yearned for connecting. It didn’t yearn for just something fun and casual. My heart yearned for a deep connection, it still yearns to fall in love again.

This quote really hit me deep. Damage to the heart is never permanent no matter how painful. I’m finding my heart is still capable of connection and it’s surprising. I can’t help but say to myself at times “wow” my heart is still working. I have faith that I’m on this journey to find love again and this time I’m gonna be vulnerable and courageous. I know for sure that love is pure resilience and full of undying hope.

What if…we go even beyond living but into dreaming?!  I saw the movie The Greatest Showman last weekend and I think tears were flowing practically the whole movie.  It was so inspiring to realize that dreams do come true!  I know it sounds so corny and such a cliché but…what if…we live in this corn ball kind of way?  What if…we decide to dream everyday?  If there were no limits to time or money what would you be doing?  Where would you be living?  What job would you be pursuing?  Who would you be loving?  What would you be feeling?

The sad part was I realized that I’ve never really dreamed in such a BIG way before.  Yes I’ve had goals and I’ve accomplished them but they were more practical.  My goals were good like get a Master’s degree, work for a good company and start your own business.  However, I’ve never gone outside of the box and done something that would scare the crap out of me!

I have always dreamed of going on a sabbatical like living in a foreign country and being immersed in a new culture and language for six months at least.  Meeting new people with different ideas and rituals really excites me.  One of my favorite things in life is when you start getting to really know someone.  I picture myself in France eating at a small café learning the language with my new French friend.  I see myself strolling down a farmer’s market and taking in the beautiful architecture.  Where did this dream come from and how did it get implanted in my heart?  I really don’t care at this point because the dream is just full of magic and mystery.

Now I dare you to dream Big, now dream Bigger and even BIGGER than that!  What if this came true…just what if?

Au revoir!

I read an article yesterday about a man who was deeply in love with his girlfriend of six months.  However, to his horror she received a work opportunity that was a chance of a lifetime, in another country.  He wanted to be loving and encourage her to take the opportunity but part of him wanted her to stay.  He had this scenario in which he ran to the airport and stopped her from boarding the plane.  He realistically knew that he couldn’t do this.  Although, the last sentence stated if he was the one leaving he hoped that she would run to the airport and stop him!

The ending surprised me and made me think about all the hopes we have deep in our hearts but never follow through for fear of rejection.  For the first time in my life I was able to tell someone how I really felt without holding back.  I told the truth from my heart not knowing how it was going to be received.  I was completely vulnerable.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  I’m so proud of myself and have no regrets.  I said goodbye to someone I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to.  However, I know what I wanted and what I needed.  I needed validation.  Don’t we all just need to know what we mean to people?  We need to know we aren’t putting our hearts on the line in vain.

I think we all hope for grand gestures of pure love.  That’s why I enjoy watching loved ones reunite in airports.  It’s just a pure expression of love.  However, I’d even cherish a heart-felt email filled with truth or a meaningful song.  One of my favorite gestures of love came from a dear friend.  I was leaving for a new job and she was my co-worker.  On the last day of work I found a card on my desk.  It was a picture of a sad puppy.  Inside the card there were two words “don’t go”.  Love is really in the everyday gestures no matter how big or small.