Jean Bonnette,MSW, CPCC

At the start of my work day there he was beaming with a huge smile and waving to motion me over. He was having breakfast and I was heading to my office. I walked over to him and he took my hand and kissed it gently with pure kindness. Bob has done this everyday since we met. He greets me with such warmth and love that it resonates deeply.

Bob is 99 years old today and has a memory impairment. His speech is slurred but we understand each other. I understand that the kindness and love he gives is unconditional. I understand that I feel worthy of such pure love. I understand that he gives without barriers or withholding.

Bob reminds me of when a man made me feel seen and special. It was a decade ago but he brought that feeling back to life.

Thank you for showing me complete love. I will never settle for anything less than what I deserve. Find someone who looks at you the way Bob looks at me from across the room. Happy Birthday Bob!

Find someone who can communicate with you with an open heart. Find someone who understands that communication is an invitation for intimacy and closeness not a fight for ego. A relationship is effort it’s not struggle.

I watched a woman say on her wedding day that her husband holds her hand when she’s unsure and that his kindness towards her teaches her.

A real man is gentle with a woman’s heart and can balance strength with gentleness. I wish for you a partner that holds your hand in life and teaches you true unconditional love.

There’s so much richness in this poem but my favorite part was such a punch in the gut.

“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.”

I hope that we all have the courage to speak our truth and live in our authenticity. I hope when faced to be true to ourselves or another we always choose the self.

This is a long quote but so worth reading. Lately I’ve been working on giving myself grace. Internal growth and healing from trauma is hard work. It requires hard days where you don’t have the patience because of all the pain that comes forth. So it’s ok to feel bad. Read that again. It’s ok to feel bad it means you’re doing life right. Do yourself a favor give yourself grace and give it to others. ❤️

I had a conversation with my coach and her words resonated with me all weekend. I repeated it over and over in my mind. Love is when someone doesn’t “need” you but rather “wants” you. Love is wanting you beside them for no other reason than to be around you. Love is stillness and peace knowing that the person next to you accepts you just as you are.

Having gone through a period of loss I know for a fact that love is what matters in the end. During this pandemic it really makes one reflect on what is truly important. In the end the most painful regret was wondering if the person you’ve lost really knew how much you loved them and how much they loved you.

My relationship coach told me that everything I want is possible. I’ve heard it before but that day it resonated with me. She said picture that relationship and know you can have it all.

I realize now that I’ve been settling. I’ve only scratched the surface on love. If we’re being honest the majority of the population has been taught these limitations by a dysfunctional household.

In order to change I need to radically change my actions. I noticed that I’ve been bolder and I ask for what I need. I speak up and my relationships have changed. Everything around me has been changing and it’s completely exciting. I get to choose and create my life in love and career.

Start by imagining and feeling the life you want. The brain can’t decipher between a memory or imagination. Then watch it present a variety of opportunities that come your way. Now clearly choose everything that you want. It’s working for me and I hope the same for you!

Choosing what is best for me has been a long and hard journey. I have let go of many things and even people that I love. This has been the most painful thing I’ve had to do.

However, the biggest lesson has been to love myself fully in order to fully love another. I will not sacrifice my needs and wants for the needs and wants of others. I’ve done it in the past and it’s been to my detriment.

I know that there has never been a lack of love on both sides but there needs to be balance. Over the past few years I got clarity on what I want in a relationship. I want to have intimacy with someone in every way, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The best relationship is having a connection that is whole.

I accept that I may continue to lose people or things which will be painful. However, there is space for everything that I desire which aligns with the woman I have become.

At times we hang on so tight to everything and everyone that is familiar. We fail to realize that the situations or the people around us no longer fit in our life. Today is my last day of the old life.

Tomorrow I will officially be divorced. It comes with sadness and joy. I realize I’m not searching for a boyfriend or a new husband. My soul craves a Divine Love. In order to find it I’m going to start with me. Love myself so fiercely that I don’t accept anything less than unconditional love.

I realize that I’ve been choosing less than I deserve and starting now I’m going to do better. The love I’ve been looking for is right here and I’m ready to receive it.

A friend of mine offered this tranquil deck for my meditation. Ironically, my meditation was a series on abundance. That morning I spent meditating and watching the birds. I thought about many things but mostly my mind was blank. For once I was completely still.

Our lives require stillness. Being busy is the easy button. Filling our time with social media is escapism. Swiping on dating apps is looking to fill a void. This might not always be the case but for the majority of people it’s the truth.

We have difficulty sitting still because that’s where we begin to feel. We feel pain, grief, anxiety or depression. However, if we don’t feel the negative emotions we also cancel out joy, peace, love and contentment. Choosing the easy button may be pain free but in the long run it’s excruciating.