Jean Bonnette,MSW, CPCC

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I think this speaks for itself. It reminds me to keep going no matter how life didn’t turn out as expected. I want to live to the fullest and dare to be bold in my choices in love and life. We are all an accumulation of our choices. I hope for myself that I always align with my heart and soul. That’s what I strive to do for the rest of my life.

It’s ok to have good boundaries and make hard choices for the sake of healthy self-love. We should all be treated with a peaceful passionate love.

Also, I believe in gratitude. When we are grateful for the people that choose to stay in our lives we don’t take them for granted.

I was scrolling Facebook Tuesday morning and there it was a picture of my dearest friend with pictures of her friends. I was going to call her and give her support since it sounds like someone died.

My brain went into complete denial. I couldn’t call her. She was the one that died.

That whole day I kept going back to our last brunch together. I couldn’t accept that this special person was gone and I wouldn’t be able to see her again. That was all the time we had together and I felt completely robbed.

She was my divorce sponsor in every way. We gave each other support during our hardest times in life. We dreamed of our new lives. Now I feel like this is a solo journey for me. I know full well this is untrue because of the amount of love surrounding me. I’m far from alone.

In the midst of crying I heard myself saying I’ve been here before. I reflected back on times where life was cut short to the people I loved dearly. Perhaps it was a way of soothing myself. You were in the darkest of hours but you were able to move with grief and live fully. I don’t believe in moving on from grief but I do believe in moving with it.

When we’re in an unknown place or in a place of change there’s usually some anxiety. However, if we can stay calm and allow the moment to pass then magic happens. This is the place where possibilities are open and the doors of opportunity start showing up. Take your change. It’s time for something wonderful to begin.

I feel as if life has phases. I’m in a phase of radical acceptance of myself. I have more compassion for me and for others. With this radical acceptance of my traumas, flaws, shortcomings there is also the flip side of the coin. I can also radically accept my sensitivity, intuitive abilities, beauty, compassion etc…

When we can accept who we really are we can also unconditionally love another.

We’ve all seen how life can be taken in an instant. Recently I’ve been surrounded by love and by death. It makes me want to reach for everything I want and never settle for less. There’s not enough time for settling.

A few weeks ago an old friend (we dated) reached out to me. He lives across the country and I haven’t seen him in over a year maybe two. He said he’s been thinking of me and wanted to know how I was doing. We’ve always had this strong connection but distance got in the way.

I shared some deep insights which I wanted his feedback. It was about love. I heard myself almost saying I love you on the voice memo. I love him for the person he is and how he inspires me to live boldly. However, I held back.

His response to my message was so moving it made me cry. At the end of his message he said that he loved me. It took me by surprise but I told him I felt the same.

I realize we shouldn’t hold back! I don’t know when I’ll see him again but it doesn’t matter. We both expressed ourselves wholeheartedly without any expectations. Love and live boldly. I will say it again. There’s not enough time to settle.

Maya Angelou said that her grandmother’s love freed her. Her grandmother told her she was the best person she’s ever known. Angelou wondered what if she was right? Her grandmother was right.

What I know now is that the best type of love frees people to be who they are and not who we want them to be. Sometimes letting people go is an act of love. I never wanted a divorce. I needed it. Two people may no longer be right for one another because they hold each other back from growth.

I feared growth/change because it may take me further away from loved ones. In reality, being someone who you’re not becomes a lie that causes a tear in human connection.

My hope is to practice how to love and liberate those special people in my life. As my favorite author Glennon Doyle says a gift we can give is to allow loved ones “to live held and free.”

Today I asked for a sign. I hardly ever ask the universe for one but today I needed it. The message came just a few hours after I asked and let it go.

It actually came from a stranger and we had a fun, deep, heartfelt real conversation. I realize that even when things seem like it’s not going your way it actually is making room. I truly believe that as Oprah says, “God can dream bigger for you!”

They came to my office wanting to have a conversation. Both are in the winter of their lives and living their final years in our community.

They are in love and want to get married. I see them during meals eating together and holding hands. They steal kisses when they think nobody is watching.

It’s so beautiful to see that love has no boundaries even when we think life is ending. No more settling for average. I’m reminded everyday what is real love and respect – anything less is intolerable.

This excerpt was actually written by a man. I was surprised at how accurate this statement was coming from him. It’s completely true that when a woman is ready to leave it came from numerous chances that she gave away.

Those chances come from hoping that he will compromise or see that her love is unwavering. However, when it’s time to walk away it’s when she realizes that she is slowly chipping away her self respect.

My hope is that for any couple it never gets to this point. I hope that during this pandemic we evaluate what’s really important in life which is to listen and respect the love that exists before it’s too late.

I know that for myself I’m learning to love and respect myself first and the right partner will nurture it.