An old chapter of my life has come to a close. Leaving my job of 13 years is not only significant in terms of time but also in terms of emotional healing. This was where my biggest awakening took place in terms of meeting very significant people in my life. This was the place where I truly started to learn more about myself. I learned about the strength that my heart can hold and the pain that I can endure. This is not only a significant closing of a career but also a closing of my old life, my old self. I know this transformation has been years in the making but I’m so proud of my growth. Let me tell you it was scary AF! I even went through periods of grieving. My brain fought me the whole way in all areas of change. It’s just doing what it’s programmed to do, keep us safe from harm. This is when courage is needed. We need to reassure our body and mind to stay calm …

This year has been one of tremendous movement.  It was a year of heartache, of joy, of laughter, of pain, of sorrow, of a mending heart, of a growing soul, wanting more, needing less, a year of clinging to faith, hope and love.  It really doesn’t sound like any different from years past.  However, I am different.  2018 was really about discovering myself and where I’m willing to go with life.  It was a year where I reached for something more no matter how hard it felt to move forward.  Personal growth is hard and painful but the reward is pure joy. I realize that the past few years of my life has been a journey about love.  Ultimately, I was seeking love outside of myself.  This past year has proven that the love I’m craving is actually self-acceptance and self-love.  It sounds so cliché right?  However, this is the foundation of all types of love.  If I don’t love and respect myself then what is my compass for healthy relationships?  Lastly, loving someone is …

This movie was made in 1989 called Say Anything.  I was very young but everyone remembers this scene, at least if you’re a woman or little girl. It doesn’t matter if you were in your 40s or if you were 12 years old.  This was a declaration of love.  He put his pride aside and stood outside the house of the woman he loves and the song starts.  The song is called In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel.  If you don’t know what he’s holding, it’s called a boom box. The courage and vulnerability it took for this young man to stand outside for all the world to see how he loved this girl is inspiring.  Let me tell you men this would melt any woman’s heart.  Where is the romance in this world?  I know it’s out there.  I know we are all starving for something real, starving to be loved the way we deserve to be.  It could be in small gestures or grand gestures just as long as the message is the …

Some days the grief just takes over. The death anniversary of someone you love is one of those days. There’s something about taking that grief and doing something creative that eases the pain. Being in nature makes me feel so small and part of the whole that it lessens the distance to my loved one. Here’s to the love left behind and the hopes to one day meet again. Music credit: Ghost of you 5 seconds of summer

Being in the helping profession my whole adult life, has gotten me a bit off track.  I’ve been programmed to anticipate the needs of others.  I can excavate their deepest hurts and prescribe a salve for the soul.  However, when it comes to my needs, my self-awareness can be a bit lacking.  I decided that in order to truly build my compass of what if feels like to be deeply loved, I must first deeply love myself.  This shall be my north star.  When it feels the same as self-love or even better than, I will know this man is worthy of me. My training wheels have been to spend a little extra money on me and buy those flowers at the market that I never wanted to spend on myself.  The joy that it brings as I spend time cutting the flowers to place on my nightstand has been priceless.  I’ve also been using candles more than lighting at night and doing a little extra self-care here and there.  This is only the beginning …

Having my fair share of grief and heartbreak, I came to accept that I would be happily living in my life purpose without a romantic relationship. I felt deeply loved and I’ve loved deeply so I was done with romantic love. I wasn’t bitter at all just tired but content. I saw my heart as bruised and held together with super glue in which you can see all the cracks. I decided that it would be great to meet men and gain some social interaction. However, life made other plans because it was the biggest wake up call. I realized my heart still yearned for connecting. It didn’t yearn for just something fun and casual. My heart yearned for a deep connection, it still yearns to fall in love again. This quote really hit me deep. Damage to the heart is never permanent no matter how painful. I’m finding my heart is still capable of connection and it’s surprising. I can’t help but say to myself at times “wow” my heart is still working. I …

What if…we go even beyond living but into dreaming?!  I saw the movie The Greatest Showman last weekend and I think tears were flowing practically the whole movie.  It was so inspiring to realize that dreams do come true!  I know it sounds so corny and such a cliché but…what if…we live in this corn ball kind of way?  What if…we decide to dream everyday?  If there were no limits to time or money what would you be doing?  Where would you be living?  What job would you be pursuing?  Who would you be loving?  What would you be feeling? The sad part was I realized that I’ve never really dreamed in such a BIG way before.  Yes I’ve had goals and I’ve accomplished them but they were more practical.  My goals were good like get a Master’s degree, work for a good company and start your own business.  However, I’ve never gone outside of the box and done something that would scare the crap out of me! I have always dreamed of going on …

I read an article yesterday about a man who was deeply in love with his girlfriend of six months.  However, to his horror she received a work opportunity that was a chance of a lifetime, in another country.  He wanted to be loving and encourage her to take the opportunity but part of him wanted her to stay.  He had this scenario in which he ran to the airport and stopped her from boarding the plane.  He realistically knew that he couldn’t do this.  Although, the last sentence stated if he was the one leaving he hoped that she would run to the airport and stop him! The ending surprised me and made me think about all the hopes we have deep in our hearts but never follow through for fear of rejection.  For the first time in my life I was able to tell someone how I really felt without holding back.  I told the truth from my heart not knowing how it was going to be received.  I was completely vulnerable.  It was …