Years ago I took a dance class called S Factor.  It felt like a secret sensual club for women that nobody knew about and I loved it.  It was such a therapeutic way to move my body and it felt like freedom.  Therapy comes in many forms.  It doesn’t have to look like a Freudian couch.  For me therapy came in a big room with cold wooden floors filled with silver poles that were 12ft tall.  The studio had a handful of women who were supportive and safe to share the most intimate part of yourself.  As the instructor turns on the music and I hear that first beat resonating against the walls, my body yearns to move.  It is pure bliss.

On this particular day the instructor gave us a small exercise.  Each student usually ends the class with a solo dance with everyone cheering you on with clapping, and lovingly heckling.  This time her instruction was to dance with a partner.  As the song started I felt the beat and got my rhythm.  I slowly danced closer to her and as I did it felt like she would move away from me.  After a couple of tries I felt rejected and danced on my own.  It made me feel like she needed to be alone.

At the end of class we discussed how we felt dancing with a partner.  To my surprise she wanted to desperately dance with me.  She said that I was so open and inviting but it was too overwhelming.  I saw the yearning in her eyes as if she held back. She even went deeper about how she grew up in a family that was very cold and there was no expression of feelings.

Her insight left me speechless.  I thought she was rejecting me but I was completely wrong.  Once in a while I remember this moment when I don’t have the answers. It reminds me that we never truly know the whole truth of another.  We were both wanting to be in unison but our own fears and insecurities got in between the dance.