Month: April 2018

This is 40 & Divorcing

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I sat at a tea house across from my friend who came to visit from San Francisco.  I just informed her that I decided to get a divorce.  She stared at me without blinking, scanning my face in shock.  Then she said, “If I just turned 40 and was divorcing my husband of 17 years I would be so depressed! Why do you look so good?”  I smiled and said because I feel free.  This was the truth.  For the first time in years I felt a release.  I finally listened to that little voice in the back of my head that said that I couldn’t continue living in a marriage that felt lonely. That moment in the tea house was so important to me because she saw me completely.  I felt free.  I felt the happiest I’ve ever felt in years.  This was a huge turning point in my life.  I broke away from what society says will make me happy.  This was the moment I listened to my inner knowing and let myself …

Dancing on My Own

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Years ago I took a dance class called S Factor.  It felt like a secret sensual club for women that nobody knew about and I loved it.  It was such a therapeutic way to move my body and it felt like freedom.  Therapy comes in many forms.  It doesn’t have to look like a Freudian couch.  For me therapy came in a big room with cold wooden floors filled with silver poles that were 12ft tall.  The studio had a handful of women who were supportive and safe to share the most intimate part of yourself.  As the instructor turns on the music and I hear that first beat resonating against the walls, my body yearns to move.  It is pure bliss. On this particular day the instructor gave us a small exercise.  Each student usually ends the class with a solo dance with everyone cheering you on with clapping, and lovingly heckling.  This time her instruction was to dance with a partner.  As the song started I felt the beat and got my rhythm.  …

Dreams…

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What if…we go even beyond living but into dreaming?!  I saw the movie The Greatest Showman last weekend and I think tears were flowing practically the whole movie.  It was so inspiring to realize that dreams do come true!  I know it sounds so corny and such a cliché but…what if…we live in this corn ball kind of way?  What if…we decide to dream everyday?  If there were no limits to time or money what would you be doing?  Where would you be living?  What job would you be pursuing?  Who would you be loving?  What would you be feeling? The sad part was I realized that I’ve never really dreamed in such a BIG way before.  Yes I’ve had goals and I’ve accomplished them but they were more practical.  My goals were good like get a Master’s degree, work for a good company and start your own business.  However, I’ve never gone outside of the box and done something that would scare the crap out of me! I have always dreamed of going on …

Grand Gestures

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I read an article yesterday about a man who was deeply in love with his girlfriend of six months.  However, to his horror she received a work opportunity that was a chance of a lifetime, in another country.  He wanted to be loving and encourage her to take the opportunity but part of him wanted her to stay.  He had this scenario in which he ran to the airport and stopped her from boarding the plane.  He realistically knew that he couldn’t do this.  Although, the last sentence stated if he was the one leaving he hoped that she would run to the airport and stop him! The ending surprised me and made me think about all the hopes we have deep in our hearts but never follow through for fear of rejection.  For the first time in my life I was able to tell someone how I really felt without holding back.  I told the truth from my heart not knowing how it was going to be received.  I was completely vulnerable.  It was …