If it’s all I can take I’ll remember it all, remember it all. If it’s all I can take I’ll remember it all. One moment imprinted inside my mind. – Remember by Kari Kimmel

The song above has been my theme song for days now.  I reflect on my life and grief and loss.  If I could keep a jar of all my favorite memories I would!  I skate over the pain of the past and hang on to find all the goodness and sweetness of the nectar.  I go over wonderful life memories in my mind trying to somehow hang on – not forget.  Why do I have this sudden urge to hang tight all of a sudden?

My mind is like a machine pulling data and pictures and savoring it all.  I want to go back and savor it the way I couldn’t before.  Am I afraid that I will forget? Am I afraid that if I don’t remember then it didn’t happen?  My eyes water as I hear these words.  If I can’t remember then who will?  If I can’t remember then was it all an illusion?

I’ve been very reflective these past few days.  Most likely due to the fact that death has showed itself very close to home.  First the death of Prince and then the death of my Aunt. She was the eldest of my father’s side of the family and the first to die out of his siblings.  One person was an icon a pure music genius.  The other person was my aunt, a woman with three kids and six grandchildren.  She was by all means a normal person.

However, one commonality is strung between them.  They lived a life in which they were loved by people who mourn them now.  They lived a life in which they will be remembered somehow and in some way.

Maybe I don’t need to hang on to every memory but instead bask in the sweetness of a life lived with joy, sorrow, jealousy, anger, pain, laughter, confusion, messiness, happiness, and love.